Couples work is complex and rewarding. I am very discerning about the couples I work with as my style is fairly unconventional. I believe the relational intersection between 2 human beings in intimate connection is a sacred mirror in which each person sees their his/her gifts and wounds reflected in the other. When I work with couples, I encourage each person looks inward for the source of the friction in the relationship, and as in individual work, to journey back to childhood to heal the source of pain at the root.
I begin by having one or two sessions with each partner individually, and then work for as long as desired with the couple together. Using the inner tool of Focusing, partners witness each other as they dive into themselves for the source of challenge in the relationship. The intimacy of witnessing one partner search within for what has been previously projected onto the other is exquisite. Trust deepens and hearts open. It is an honor and privilege to work with couples willing to do this courageous work.
I am not attached to whether couples remain together or choose another path. My primary intention is that each person know him/herself more deeply, more intimately, and learn to express his/her deepest truth to the other.
The book that most accurately describes my approach with Couples is called Love and Awakening: Discovering the Sacred Path of Intimate Relationship, by John Welwood, and I encourage people who are interested in doing couples work with me to read it.
When the time has come for a marriage to end, sadly our culture treats this as a legal, rather than a ceremonial matter. If a couple has been joined for years or decades, the dissolution of the marriage is a huge event, and I believe one that should be handled very differently than is currently practiced. I call this process Matrimorphy. The word divorce comes with so many negative connotations I find it not helpful when describing what can be a very loving and connected process of changing the form of a relationship.
It may sound strange, but I love coaching couples through their divorce. Untangling from one another energetically is essential if one is to move on to another healthy relationship following the marriage. I help couples identify the unseen emotional agreements that have been at play during the relationship and support them to release these agreements. I help couples find the best possible outcome for resetting relationship with the former partner. At the conclusion of the process, I support couples to design a ceremony to bring their marriage to a sacred completion. This might be a ritual just for the couple, or might include children or family members, or it might be a larger community event, depending on the needs of the couple.